Merry and the Livestock
by Random Stuff About Stuff
Summary: Merry had a little lamb. It followed him to Mordor. But when someone finds a way to get rid of it, the rest of the farm decides to take revenge. That's when things get interesting... A strange song to the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb.
1. The Lamb

Disclaimer: the characters are not mine. The song is not mine. The computer is not mine, it's my parents'. So what _is_ mine!

A/N Totally random. I just made this up last night while I was trying to fall asleep, but couldn't write it until this morning. Now you know the freaky things I think of when I'm tired.

This means livestock singing.

_This means Fellowship singing._

* * *

Merry had a little lamb.

Little lamb.

Little lamb.

Merry had a little lamb.

Who he stole from Pippin.

_

* * *

What is up with this little lamb?_

_Little lamb._

_Little lamb._

_What is up with this little lamb?_

_Following us around._

* * *

He followed him to Mordor one day.

Mordor one day.

Mordor one day.

He followed him to Mordor one day.

'Cause he was really dumb.

_

* * *

Why is this lamb following us?_

_Following us._

_Following us._

_Why is this lamb following us?_

_On the Quest of the Ring._

* * *

The lamb he brought his friends along.

Friends along.

Friends along.

The lamb he brought his friends along.

On the Quest of the Ring.

_

* * *

What is up with all the livestock?_

_All the livestock._

_All the livestock._

_What is up with all the livestock?_

_Following us around._

* * *

The goat she ate the Ring of Power.

Ring of Power.

Ring of Power.

The goat she ate the Ring of Power.

Thinking it was food.

_

* * *

We have to wait for the goat to digest._

_Goat to digest._

_Goat to digest._

_We have to wait for the goat to digest._

_To get the Ring of Power back._

* * *

Now the livestock is getting mad.

Getting mad.

Getting mad.

Now the livestock is getting mad.

So they're all going home.

_

* * *

Now the livestock has disappeared._

_Disappeared._

_Disappeared._

_Now the livestock has disappeared._

_At least we got the Ring back._

* * *

Nobody's left except the lamb.

Except the lamb.

Except the lamb.

Nobody's left except the lamb.

Who's still following Merry.

_

* * *

The lamb seems to have stayed with us._

_Stayed with us._

_Stayed with us._

_The lamb seems to have stayed with us._

_So we'll have mutton tonight._

* * *

Please excuse the random ness of this song. I'm really bored. No insult is meant to vegetarians. Or people who don't like it. 


	2. The Revenge

Verse 2. The Revenge.

Disclaimer: I'm disclaiming this story which I disclaim to say that it is not mine in this disclaimer.

A/N Wow, I'm random. Guess I just got bored while trying to work past a writer's block on some other stories. This is based on a suggestion from Tzaryn (I think) to write about the lamb's revenge.

Once again: Livestock sings (in third person for quite a while, yes, I know), _Fellowship sings (Actually, it's a particular member of the Fellowship. Try to guess who. I'm not even sure yet, we'll find out by PROCESS OF ELIMINATION)._

Merry had a little lamb

Little lamb

Little lamb.

Merry had a little lamb.

Until he got hungry.

* * *

_We just ate that little lamb._

_Little lamb._

_Little lamb._

_We just ate that little lamb._

_Gimli keeps burping._

* * *

The livestock, they were sad about this.

Sad about this.

Sad about this.

The livestock, they were sad about this.

Because the lamb was their friend.

_

* * *

The Fellowship, we were happy about this._

_Happy about this._

_Happy about this._

_The Fellowship, we were happy about this._

_Because we were hungry before._

* * *

The Fellowship, they are murderers.

Murderers.

Murderers.

The Fellowship, they are murderers.

They ate our friend the lamb.

_

* * *

The lamb, he is now haunting us._

_Haunting us._

_Haunting us._

_The lamb, he is now haunting us._

_And the livestock's taking legal action._

* * *

The lawyer, he was eaten by the goat.

Eaten by the goat.

Eaten by the goat.

The lawyer, he was eaten by the goat.

So we'll have to get a new one.

_

* * *

The lamb has given Frodo gas._

_Frodo gas._

_Frodo gas._

_The lamb has given Frodo gas._

_Is this his idea of haunting?_

* * *

The goat, she's mad 'cause she can't come along.

Come along.

Come along.

The goat, she's mad 'cause she can't come along.

To get a new lawyer.

_

* * *

Frodo's gas has knocked out Sam._

_Knocked out Sam._

_Knocked out Sam._

_Frodo's gas has knocked out Sam._

_We have to wait for it to pass. (No pun intended.)_

* * *

The lawyer, he says that we are livestock.

We are livestock.

We are livestock.

The lawyer, he says that we are livestock.

Gee, I hadn't noticed.

_

* * *

Frodo is being kept by Sauron._

_Sauron._

_Sauron._

_Frodo is being kept by Sauron._

_Until the gas passes. (No pun intended.)_

* * *

The lawyer says that the lamb is dead.

Lamb is dead.

Lamb is dead.

The lawyer says that the lamb is dead.

He's just repeating everything we say.

_

* * *

Oh, drat, Sauron's gonna steal the Ring._

_Steal the Ring._

_Steal the Ring._

_Oh, drat, Sauron's gonna steal the Ring. _

_Why didn't we think of that?_

* * *

The lawyer says the Fellowship killed the lamb.

Killed the lamb.

Killed the lamb.

The lawyer says the Fellowship killed the lamb.

What the heck are we paying him for?

_

* * *

Now I feel like a total idiot._

_Total idiot._

_Total idiot._

_Now I feel like a total idiot. _

_For taking Legolas' advice._

The goat, she came and ate the new lawyer.

Ate the new lawyer.

Ate the new lawyer.

The goat, she came and ate the new lawyer.

So we won't have to pay.

_

* * *

So now we got Frodo and the Ring back._

_Frodo and the Ring back._

_Frodo and the Ring back._

_So now we got Frodo and the Ring back._

_What're we supposed to do now?_

* * *

So now we decided on a new course of revenge.

New course of revenge.

New course of revenge.

So now we decided on a new course of revenge.

We're gonna steal the ring.

_

* * *

I just remember what to do now._

_What to do now._

_What to do now._

_I just remember what to do now._

_We were supposed to destroy the Ring!_

* * *

Let's go steal the Ring of Power.

Ring of Power.

Ring of Power.

Let's go steal the Ring of Power.

Just to be annoying.

_

* * *

How the heck did we forget that?_

_We forget that._

_We forget that._

_How the heck did we forget that?_

_Oh, well, I guess we're just dumb._


	3. The Plot

And now, I give you: chapter three! The Plot. So, to remind you, the livestock is now planning to steal the Ring. And don't forget _the Fellowship sings in italics_ and the livestock sings normally. Now how odd is that? Anyway, by this chapter, enough people have been eliminated that you should be able to figure out who from the Fellowship is singing. Virtual cookies to anyone who reviews and tells me!

Disclaimer: See any of the many witty, cute, or sarcastic disclaimers that all boil down to _I DO NOT OWN THIS!_

Bwahahahahahaha.

Hahaha.

Hahaha.

Bwahahahahahaha.

We have an evil plan.

_

* * *

Legolas says he saw a cow. _

_Saw a cow._

_Saw a cow._

_Legolas says he saw a cow._

_In the middle of Mordor._

* * *

We think the elf saw the cow. 

Saw the cow.

Saw the cow.

We think the elf saw the cow.

We'll be sneakier.

_

* * *

The ghost of the lamb has come back again. _

_Come back again._

_Come back again._

_The ghost of the lamb has come back again._

_Now Gimli has gas too!_

* * *

It's odd, we're talking in plural terms. 

Plural terms.

Plural terms.

It's odd, we're talking in plural terms.

Instead of third person.

_

* * *

Now,_ Gimli _we can give to Sauron._

_Give to Sauron._

_Give to Sauron._

_Now, _Gimli_ we can give to Sauron._

'_Cause he doesn't have the Ring._

* * *

The lamb is doing the revenge stuff for us. 

The revenge stuff for us.

The revenge stuff for us.

The lamb is doing the revenge stuff for us.

So can we ditch out now?

_

* * *

The Fellowship is really weird. _

_Really weird._

_Really weird._

_The Fellowship is really weird._

_Which isn't my fault at all._

* * *

I guess we can't just forget about it. 

Forget about it.

Forget about it.

I guess we can't just forget about it.

That would just feel mean.

_

* * *

Gandalf wants us to leave him alone. _

_Leave him alone._

_Leave him alone._

_Gandalf wants us to leave him alone._

_He's sulking 'cause we're weird._

* * *

So now we're back to the drawing board. 

Drawing board.

Drawing board.

So now we're back to the drawing board.

On how to get revenge.

_

* * *

Now we've finally ditched Gandalf. _

_Ditched Gandalf._

_Ditched Gandalf._

_Now we've finally ditched Gandalf._

_In the middle of Mordor._

* * *

Oh, yeah, we already had a plan. 

Had a plan.

Had a plan.

Oh, yeah, we already had a plan.

We're gonna steal the Ring.

_

* * *

Boromir is also grumpy. _

_Also grumpy._

_Also grumpy._

_Boromir is also grumpy._

_What if we ditched him too?_

* * *

We'll steal the Ring late at night. 

Late at night.

Late at night.

We'll steal the Ring late at night.

So we don't get eaten.

_

* * *

Boromir figured out our plan. _

_Out our plan._

_Out our plan._

_Boromir figured out our plan._

_I guess we'll keep him after all._

* * *

We're sneaking up on them tonight. 

Them tonight.

Them tonight.

We're sneaking up on them tonight.

To steal the Ring stealthily.

_

* * *

So now there are only seven of us. _

_Seven of us._

_Seven of us._

_So now there are only seven of us._

_To fight off any random livestock who happen to be attacking in the middle of the night to steal the Ring to get revenge because we killed the lamb, who was their friend!_

* * *

They'll never guess we have the Ring. 

Have the Ring.

Have the Ring.

They'll never guess we have the Ring.

Or what we're going to do with it.

_

* * *

Wow, I wonder where that came from? _

_That came from._

_That came from._

_Wow, I wonder where that came from?_

_Seemed totally random to me._

* * *

We're going to do something terribly evil. 

Terribly evil.

Terribly evil.

We're going to do something terribly evil.

We're auctioning off the Ring.

_

* * *

Boromir says it's a premonition. _

_Premonition._

_Premonition._

_Boromir says it's a premonition._

_That we're going to… get attacked by livestock?_

* * *

Where will we do such a terrible thing? 

Terrible thing?

Terrible thing?

Where will we do such a terrible thing?

Why, on Earth, of course!

_

* * *

Pssh, yeah right, like that's going to happen. _

_Going to happen._

_Going to happen._

_Pssh, yeah right, like that's going to happen._

_Livestock aren't vicious._

* * *

We're livestock and we're very vicious. 

Very vicious.

Very vicious.

We're livestock and we're very vicious.

We're gonna steal the Ring of Power.


	4. The Preparations

The fourth chapter is up! You should be proud of me. _I_ should be proud of me. I also should update some of my other stuff instead of writing this. But I don't feel like it.

Virtual cookies go to everyone who said that the singer was Aragorn. And a single virtual cookie to those who said Aragorn or Pippin.

Pippin is mentioned in the very first verse of the first chapter, it says that Merry stole the lamb from him. Everyone remember that bit, it'll show up in a later chapter.

_Merry ate his little lamb. _

_Little lamb._

_Little lamb._

_Merry ate his little lamb. _

_Which was a bad idea._

* * *

We will avenge the little lamb.

Little lamb.

Little lamb.

We will avenge the little lamb.

By stealing the Ring of Power.

_

* * *

I had a premonition about livestock._

_About livestock._

_About livestock._

_I had a premonition about livestock._

_They were stealing the Ring._

* * *

We're preparing to attack the Fellowship.

Attack the Fellowship.

Attack the Fellowship.

We're preparing to attack the Fellowship.

To steal the Ring from them.

_

* * *

Even they couldn't be that dumb._

_Be that dumb._

_Be that dumb. _

_Even they couldn't be that dumb._

_To steal the Ring from us. _

* * *

We will attack at midnight tonight.

Midnight tonight.

Midnight tonight.

We will attack at midnight tonight.

And steal the Ring from them.

_

* * *

I mean, if the Ring isn't destroyed._

_Isn't destroyed._

_Isn't destroyed._

_I mean, if the Ring isn't destroyed_

_Things will get very bad._

* * *

The chicken is chickening out.

Chickening out.

Chickening out.

The chicken is chickening out.

She says this will be bad.

_

* * *

I'm not quite clear on what'll happen._

_What'll happen._

_What'll happen. _

_I'm not quite clear on what'll happen._

_If we don't destroy the Ring._

* * *

She says the Ring must be destroyed.

Be destroyed.

Be destroyed.

She says the Ring must be destroyed.

And if it isn't, bad things will happen.

_

* * *

I wish Gandalf was here so I could ask him._

_I could ask him._

_I could ask him._

_I wish Gandalf was here so I could ask him._

_He'd probably just tell me to shut up._

* * *

We'll sell the Ring to someone who'll destroy it.

Someone who'll destroy it.

Someone who'll destroy it.

We'll sell the Ring to someone who'll destroy it.

If we can find someone strong enough.

_

* * *

We found a place to camp tonight._

_Camp tonight._

_Camp tonight._

_We found a place to camp tonight._

_There's no sign of attacking livestock._

* * *

The horse says he knows who can destroy the Ring.

Can destroy the Ring.

Can destroy the Ring.

The horse says he knows who can destroy the Ring.

He calls it a 'Mary-Sue'.

_

* * *

Now Boromir is having premonitions, too._

_Premonitions, too._

_Premonitions, too._

_Now Boromir is having premonitions, too._

_About why the livestock would attack._

* * *

We'll sell the Ring to the Mary-Sue.

The Mary-Sue.

The Mary-Sue.

We'll sell the Ring to the Mary-Sue.

And get revenge without destroying the world.

_

* * *

Boromir says they want the Ring._

_Want the Ring._

_Want the Ring._

_Boromir says they want the Ring. _

_Everyone seems to these days._

* * *

We are preparing to attack.

To attack.

To attack.

We are preparing to attack.

And avenge our friend the lamb.

_

* * *

The Ring is causing too much trouble._

_Too much trouble._

_Too much trouble._

_The Ring is causing too much trouble. _

_I say we just give it to them._

* * *

Why bother stealing the Ring after all?

After all.

After all.

Why bother stealing the Ring after all?

We can just kill them all.

_

* * *

Nobody seems to disagree._

_Disagree._

_Disagree._

_Nobody seems to disagree._

_We'll get rid of the Ring tonight._


	5. The Attack

* * *

A/N So I dug this up after years (?) of leaving it lying around. And I questioned my sanity. And then I decided to continue it. Because being unquestionably sane is boring anyway. So, here we go with the final chapter.

The same _Fellowship/_Livestock text markers are in place. _**Bold italics means that both are singing. **_**Plain bold means that a third party who will be revealed later on is singing.**

If this seems different, I just watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, so I think that influenced my music a little lot.

* * *

_I thought that I was insane_

_Was insane._

_Was insane._

_I thought that I was insane_

_For thinking livestock might attack._Now we go to kill them all.

* * *

Kill them all.

Kill them all.

Now we go to kill them all.

For vengeance and sort of for fun.

* * *

_But then I saw livestock attacking._

_Livestock attacking._

_Livestock attacking._

_But then I saw livestock attacking._

_And realized that I was sane._

* * *

We attacked at midnight.

At midnight.

At midnight.

We attacked at midnight.

Just for dramatic effect.

* * *

_Boromir's referencing 'Animal Farm'._

'_Animal Farm.'_

'_Animal Farm.'_

_Boromir's referencing 'Animal Farm'._

_Which hasn't even been written yet._

* * *

We'll spare you all the gory details.

Gory details.

Gory details.

We'll spare you all the gory details.

To keep the ratings down.

* * *

_I told him to stop but it was too late._

_Was too late._

_Was too late._

_I told him to stop but it was too late._

_The anachronism had been said._

* * *

Then something weird started to happen.

To happen.

To happen.

Then something weird started to happen.

At midnight when we attacked.

* * *

_A plot hole opened and swallowed us whole._

_Swallowed us whole._

_Swallowed us whole._

_A plot hole opened and swallowed us whole._

_Because the story didn't make any sense._

* * *

The humans ask: did it ever?

Did it ever?

Did it ever?

The humans ask: did it ever?

Can livestock take revenge?

* * *

_The readers ask: did it ever?_

_Did it ever?_

_Did it ever?_

_The readers ask: did it ever?_

_Can livestock take revenge?_

* * *

We'll show you, we'll take revenge.

Take revenge.

Take revenge.

We'll show you, we'll take revenge.

And then you'll be very sad.

* * *

_They'll take revenge on you, dear readers._

_You, dear readers._

_You, dear readers._

_They'll take revenge on you, dear readers._

_As soon as they get out of this plot hole._

* * *

They say we'll have to cooperate.

Cooperate.

Cooperate.

They say we'll have to cooperate.

To get out of this mess.

* * *

_And we wonder: who are 'they?'_

_Who are 'they?'_

_Who are 'they?'_

_And we wonder: who are 'they?'_

_That the livestock keep quoting._

* * *

Shut up, it makes sense to us.

Sense to us.

Sense to us.

Shut up it makes sense to us.

You're just kinda dumb.

* * *

_Hey, that's mean, you should be nicer._

_Be nicer._

_Be nicer._

_Hey, that's mean, you should be nicer._

_Since we're stuck here anyway._

* * *

**Both of you, shut up and get along.**

**Get along.**

**Get along.**

**Both of you, shut up and get along.**

**You need to get out of here.**

* * *

**The plot must**

Stop singing it's my verse!

It's my verse!

**It's not your verse.**

**I can sing on any verse.**

**I can do whatever I want.**

* * *

_What makes you the boss of me? _

_Boss of me?_

_Boss of me?_

_What makes you the boss of me?_

_You're just a disembodied voice._

* * *

**I'm the Narrator, you moron.**

**You moron.**

**You moron.**

**I'm the Narrator, you moron.**

**I get to tell this story.**

* * *

_But this story's written in first person._

_First person._

_First person._

_But this story's written in first person._

_From two points of view._

* * *

He's right, there is no Narrator.

Narrator.

Narrator.

He's right there is not Narrator.

Your seem kinda useless to me.

* * *

**I decide what happens to you.**

**Happens to you.**

**Happens to you.**

**I decide what happens to you.**

**So you better not piss me off.**

* * *

I think that you are bluffing.

Are bluffing.

Are bluffing.

I think that you are bluffing.

And I won't do what you say.

* * *

_What they said._

* * *

**I'll show you, you puny mortals.**

**Puny mortals.**

**Puny mortals.**

**I'll show you, you puny mortals.**

**You're stuck here forever.**

* * *

_We underestimated the Narrator._

_The Narrator._

_The Narrator._

_We underestimated the Narrator._

_And now we're stuck here for good._

* * *

We thought that we could get out.

Could get out.

Could get out.

We thought that we could get out.

Long story short: we couldn't.

* * *

_**So now we have to live with them.**_

_**Live with them.**_

_**Live with them.**_

_**So now we have to live with them.**_

_**Trapped inside a plot hole.**_

* * *


End file.
